How I Found the Beauty of Beginning

I have always been a perfectionist. That doesn’t make me different or unique. If anything, that makes me completely average. Many people, especially young women, wear perfectionism as a badge of honor. As I get older, I feel my perfectionism holding me back from a new beginning and dreams I want to accomplish.

Whether this is from me caring too much about what everyone else thinks or being afraid to try something because I might be bad at it, I spend so much of my life on the sidelines watching people do what I wish I could do, avoiding a new beginning.

I have always loved stories. I was an avid reader when I was younger, devouring books rapidly. Eventually, that love turned to wanting to create my own stories. I had a little notebook where I wrote little short stories. Reading them as an adult, they are horrible, but so funny to go back and read.

There was no pressure, just joy for doing something you loved. Something fun. As I got older, the creative flame dwindled, and I had to focus on more academic writing. After I graduated college, I didn’t know what to do next.

I decided to start trying to get that creative spark back. I decided I was going to publish a book. That was almost ten years ago; while I am closer to that goal, I am nowhere near close enough. I couldn’t figure out what was holding me back.

The realization hit me a few summers ago while watching my dad and sister fish while camping. Two days prior, my sister had asked me if I wanted to get my fishing license. Despite wanting to, I told her no because I was scared I would be bad at it. Let me repeat that…

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE BAD AT RECREATIONAL FISHING.

Nothing on the line, just casting into the water, hoping to catch a fish while spending time with my dad and sister. As I sat on the bank reading (because I didn’t want to get left behind) and watching my dad and sister fish, I looked above my sister and saw a bunch of bobbers and sinkers tangled around a tree branch. I joked with my sister about not joining the club and returned to my book. No matter how long I looked away, those bobbers always caught my attention.

It wasn’t until they caught a slight breeze and swayed back and forth that I realized how beautiful they looked. They were their own type of beauty—the beauty of the beginning. Learning something new can cause beauty even when the intended result isn’t achieved. It allows you to grow as a person and extend your comfort zone.

I will do the damn thing and stop being scared. Mistakes will be made. I am going to have to learn as I go. I have done as much prep work as I can. Now, it’s trial by fire.

I am jumping into the fire in 2024 and getting it done. So here I am, starting my beginning, looking for beauty.